I've got something inside me that is just screaming to come out. So many feelings that I haven't the faintest idea how to annunciate. I'm not sure how this happened! I went from this meek little kitten that thought she could handle the world to a neglected, abused cat that was truly frightened and broken...to finally grow in to the proud, strong, wild Lioness that I always wished I was.
I've got my own back now. I need only the love of my child to survive. I feel like I have lived through the end of the world, to climb out of the rubble, stumble to the highest point, raise my arms and scream "I DID IT, AND YOU COULDN"T STOP ME!!"
What is this really saying though? Yeah, I'm strong, I'm proud, I'm a survivor. But am I? Which parts of me survived? The essentials. Of course...But no, wait, maybe not... I still have all the parts that previously were melded into whom I was, all except one. I have lost my ability to trust completely.
You may think that that is not that important, but it is. with out complete trust, how can I ever love completely? I know myself well enough to know that I will never love that way again; it's too dangerous. That part of me died in the fall. I love, yes, I love, just not with my all.
I don't want to be bogged down, owned, dependent. I want to be alone, strong, me.
hmmmm....That doesn't sound bad at all.
